My "Confused Kindergartner"

One of the great misnomers people have about profoundly gifted children is in thinking that life is easier for them because they don't struggle as much in school. The fact is that these children have their own burdens and challenges because they don't fit in the "average" mold society has created for most children their age.

Brendan is incredibly lucky in that he is naturally friendly, outgoing, compassionate, and attractive. These attributes enable him to make acquaintances in most settings. While he has 2 or 3 age-peers whom he considers his best friends, he isn't able to see them as often as he would like. He craves other friendships, but it is hard for him to emotionally connect with most children his age. He prefers the more complex role-playing games of the older children vs. the "run-around" that most kindergartners still engage in, but his 5 year old body's motor skills impede him from keeping up with the older crowd.

I digress to share my favorite story about this..... Brendan started preschool when he was 3 years, 3 months old. At the time, he was crazy about the Lion King and would invent these long drawn out "movies", assigning everyone roles like producer, director, etc, and tell everyone their lines. Every day of his 1st week of preschool, he came home sad because the other children wouldn't play with him. Finally, I asked his preschool teacher if there was a problem. His teacher explained that Brendan was trying to direct the class into his production on the playground during recess. As she explained it, Brendan had this huge vision for what the other children should be doing, but the others were "just normal 3 year olds, and most of them barely even talk. They had no idea what he was trying to do." More than 2 years later and 2,000 miles away, the same playground issues still abound.

While homeschooling and co-ops have helped blur the line between his age peers and his academic peers, the grade level gap appears over and over again as well-meaning people ask him what grade he's entering. (We are keeping him registered as a 1st grader, but his work will all be 3rd grade and higher.) No matter how normal we try to keep it, every time he's somewhere doing homework while Ryan has a class, or reading a novel while waiting for an appointment, or I get asked why we're homeschooling, the comments come about how he's not "normal" for his age.

All this leads to a lot of confusion for this little 5 year old. Sometimes, he's scared of letting the other kids know that he's smart because "the smart kids always get beaten up in the movies and books." (Sadly, he's right.) Or, he doesn't want the older children "to be mad at him" for being in higher level curriculum than them. As I talk with other moms of highly gifted children, I hear that these feelings are extremely common, and they are highlighted even further by the fact that these children also have deeper and more sensitive feelings than others.

Brendan wrote a tongue-in-cheek autobiographical essay about these feelings to share with his last writing workshop. He wrote it in the style of Diary of a Wimpy Kid to get a laugh out of his (older) classmates, but I still found parts of it rather poignant:





So, what is a parent to do? We do not want him to skip over years of his young childhood, but it is also unfair to pigeonhole him with younger children when he fits better with older ones. My hackles rose at one person's suggestion that we seek a psychiatrist. A mom of other highly gifted children had wonderful advice passed along from a psychologist, though. She suggested that we take the summer off from reading Harry Potter and other books where the child heroes face heavy burdens, and instead focus on lighthearted entertainment. I am going to try and pry those heavy adventure novels out of his hands, and help him enjoy summer playdates, vacation bible school, swim and soccer, and other non-academic activities so that he can simply be 5 (soon to be 6) years old. When the new school year begins, we'll do what seems to work best.....participate in educational co-ops where the age/grade lines are blurred, and figure everything else out on a case-by-case basis that best works to his unique needs.

Mini the Minotaur

We've been studying Greek mythology for the past week, and Brendan is loving all the great stories. His favorite Greek myth is Theseus and the Minotaur.

For a writing topic, I suggested that he write a short story from the viewpoint of one of the villians. We talked about how people can see the same story differently based on their perspective, and how sometimes the stories sound very distinct because of misunderstandings.

Brendan got the idea to write a story from the perspective of the poor misunderstood minotaur (Mini), and his story is truly creative and adorable!

Mini the Minotaur
My name is Mini but everyone calls me the Minotaur. I’m not very mini, so I think that’s why they don’t like my nickname.

I think it’s the horns. I call them toddler pigtails. They might think they’re a little scary.

I live in a labyrinth which is a huge maze. It’s on an island called Crete. Then this king just shut me into this trap. It’s not a very good bedroom. I don’t think I like the concrete for my pillow.

It’s lonely. On my birthday, I had a party and I invited 7 boys and 7 girls. They got lost in my maze and everyone thought I ate them. But I’m really an herbivore!

I was taking a snooze and dreaming about 14 kids finally coming to my party. I wanted this cool minotaur mask. It looks a lot like a greek warrior. I also want an awesome greek warrior sword.

Then this guy Theseus came to slay me. I was in the ancient mythology monster hospital for 10 hours. It’s not easy being me!



Here's a video of him describing his book:

Who Knew LEGO Playdates Could Be So Educational??

Homeschooling provides countless ways to turn education into playdates.  We recently found Brendan's favorite activity yet, and just like the "hiding spinach in brownies" trick, I don't think he even realizes how good it is for him!

Every Monday afternoon, approximately 10 children get together for a LEGO Engineering class.  Several homeschooling moms are coming together to create a co-op, and we have a company called Play-Well Teknologies (http://www.play-well.org/) come to a home to teach the class.  A young fun adult named AJ brings about 20 large bins of LEGOS in with him, and the excitement begins! 

Week 1: Belt and Pulley Car
Objective: Learn how to get an electric moto to turn using a battery.  Learn names and sizesing of basic machine parts.  Learn how the belt and pulley mechanism is used to transfer power from the motor.  Learn how to use different size pulleys to speed up or slow down.

The second week, they talked about structural foundations and how to build strong brick structures while building houses:

Week 3: Gear Drive Systems - Gear drive "tractor" that pulls a heavy load.

Objective: Learn how gears work and how they are used to transfer power from a motor.  Learn about torque and review gearing up and gearing down.  Discuss when one would gear up or down.

Outside of this class, we've learned that there is a LEGO engineering non-competitive robotics event  for 6-8 year olds called Jr. First Lego League.  This might be the pefect group of LEGO enthusiasts to make a fun team project come Fall!  http://www.usfirst.org/roboticsprograms/jfll/default.aspx?id=818

Feeding a Toddler's Rapidly-Developing Mind

Ryan sharing a drum at his MusicTogether class.

Childhood should be fun, no doubt about it, and it should be carefree (for the children anyway) but it should also be looked at as the foundation upon which the rest of a child's life will be built. Preparing children for the challenges they will face in school and in life are the definite domain of parents.....

From Parents: A Child's First & Best Resource for Learning
Early Child Cognitive Development,
May, 2005

Early childhood is a time of wonder, openness, insatiable curiosity, and immense parental influence. The best way to help ensure your child's success later in life (from elementary school through adolescence and on) is to lay the groundwork for the education that will help them achieve their goals--whenever they figure out what those goals are. Early childhood curriculum should not be too demanding, of course, but it should present learning challenges.

From Build Confidence And A Love of Learning
Early Childhood Curriculum
November, 2005

Lately, I've been getting lots of inquiries from moms of preschoolers who are thinking about homeschooling their children. Many find the prospect daunting and aren't sure they're up to the challenge.

If you're an interactive parent, though, you have been homeschooling all day long since birth. Every time you sing, read, call out the ABCs and 123s with those puzzles and Leapfrog toys, color together, etc etc, you are homeschooling. (but see below) Elementary school homeschooling just takes the scope of what you're doing with your child to the next level.


Starting Enrichment Classes Before Preschool:Besides "home"schooling, I believe that a lot of pre-nursery school education for toddlers comes from enrichment classes and socialization with other children. We do know several children who haven't joined any baby-toddler groups until they've turned 3 and reached preschool. While I'm a big advocate of preschool, I can't help but think they've missed out on an important first step towards socialization, independence, and respect for group rules.  (Plus, even toddlers must get bored in the same routine every day!)

Playgroups:

The first piece of our toddler "un-home schooling" is joining a regular playgroup. Both of my boys have been in playgroups since they were infants. Brendan's group was so close that even today, five years later and 3,000 miles away, he will still name those playgroup playmates among his best friends. Likewise, after several months together, Ryan will happily list off his playgroup children when you ask him about his "friends."

One of the most important things we can provide for our young children are friendships. Playgroups provide an opportunity for peer bonding, empathy, sharing, learning to respect other adults and other people's homes and rules, etc. I'm sure psychologists can add a multitude of other benefits to my small list.

Ryan celebrating his and another playmate's 2nd birthdays with playgroup friends.

Library and Music Classes:
In addition to playgroups, I strongly encourage group classes. We've started both boys with the free library classes, where they sit with Mommy in circle time and learn new songs, stories, etc. Again, they're learning to take direction from a "teacher" and following basic group rules. Ryan also enjoys a music class, where he is learning language skills and rhythm with group play that I couldn't replicate at home. Brendan has been in so many different classes and camps that I couldn't begin to name them all.

Of course we all know that it's important not to overbook our children. I think one or two classes at a time is plenty to mix in to their week (though, admittedly, we tend to book more than that for Brendan with all the great offerings out there). It's not about WHAT class they're in; it's really about just exposing them to a group activity with other children and having a great time with it! 

Again, most of the moms in our circle don't even think about these activities as educational.  This is just what we do for fun with our children when we don't want the tv on all day.  What an added bonus to realize that we're homeschooling at the same time!!

Rote Memorization vs. Conceptual Understanding
I hear all the time from moms of seemingly-gifted toddlers who are amazed at the things they can get their children to memorize.  One thing I've learned is that the big caveat with memorization is that whether it's letters, numbers, presidents, states, etc., it's all the one same skill set, which is rote memorization.  This is clearly one sign of highly intelligent children, but it won't help them much in school unless they are also able to do the preschool skill sets that every child needs. 

For example, there is a big difference between being able to count to 10 and recognize numbers vs. being able to do 1-to-1 correspondence.  Many toddlers/preschoolers can count, but they can't look at a pile of 5 and tell you there are 5 there.  Children in general have an amazing ability to memorize, but taking it to the next level is where you will see them really soar.

Don't Forget the Motor Skills

When Brendan started 3 year old preschool, he could already have easily passed the kindergarten entrance tests.  Greg and I considered keeping him out and instead putting him in more age-advanced enrichment classes, but thank goodness we enrolled him.  Mrs. Rable, who has been teaching preschool for more than 20 years at that Catholic school, found things for us to work on that we hadn't even thought about.  She was the one who encouraged us to get him IQ-tested and first validated how unique he was, but yet showed us how his fine and gross motor skills needed more work if we ever decided to accelerate.  For example, he was a better pre-writer than most 3 year olds, but would've fallen to the back of the pack with the 4 year olds.  Likewise, while other children were playing with balls and jumping, he was reading and playing with trains.  While it's perfectly healthy to acknowledge that your child isn't super-athletic, we know how detrimental poor gross motor skills can be when they reach elementary gym class!

Mrs. Rable reminded us how important it was to put the books down once in a while and focus on basic skills that only come from playing wtih playdough, crinkling up paper, cutting, pasting, kicking and throwing a ball, etc.  THOSE are the "standards" that our children need to learn at this age.  Knowing world geography by kindergarten is fun to brag about, but it's useless information when they fall behind on their craft projects.

I just have to share this because it was a vital lesson we learned along the way.
Workbooks, Word Charts, Flashcards?

Now that Ryan is two, we're also starting to introduce preschool books with fun activities that he can enjoy while Brendan is homeschooling.  Workbooks aren't about dittos.  If you find good ones, they're just about starting pre-writing skills and spending time together with written activities.   I personally don't like flashcards or word charts, but seeing words over and over in whole-language print seems to put my children on the fast-paced reading track.  I also don't use hooked-onto-phonics or any of those materials.  Brendan learned to read at two by falling in love with Thomas Step-Into-Reading books.  Even now, 5 years old and a fully-proficient junior-high-level reader, he gets his vocabulary through whole-language.

This is a great free sampling of some wonderful early-preschool workbooks we found through Critical Thinking Co.  Ryan just turned 2 this week, but can easily do the first pages of the workbooks these samples came from with colors and shapes.  Plus, the logical aspect is much different than the usual trace-the-letter material in most preschool workbooks that 2 year olds just don't have the fine-motor skills to accomplish. These authors understand the constraints of fine motor skills, too, and the beginning lessons involve pointing rather than writing.  http://www.criticalthinking.com/company/free_gift_ebooks/Preschool-Academics-eBook.pdf

I also found a great "early mazes" book and a simple pre-writing book for 2 year olds by Kumon.  http://www.amazon.com/Book-Easy-Mazes-Kumon-Workbooks/dp/1933241241/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1271690636&sr=1-2-fkmr0;   We only do an occasional page here and there, but it's a great way to get a crayon in his hand for some early-writing skills that he'll need by the time he's three.

We also love Starfall.com for Ryan.  While it claims to be designed for kindergarteners, the "Let's Get Ready to Read" section is perfect for 2 year olds.  In a nice, slow format, they introduce each letter of the alphabet (upper and lower) with the phonetical sounds and several words that begin with that sound.  They also show the words in print and in sentences.  It's a fantastic way to show children the connection between letters, sounds, words, and sentences.   We use it in 5 minute increments when he's clamoring for the computer.


Footnote: I recently learned that I assume too much when I assume that all parents actively engage their children in basic preschool skills like letter/shape/color/number recognition, one-to-one correspondence, and early-writing skills. My eyes were opened when I worked in Brendan's kindergarten class and saw that half the children didn't have all of these basic skills. The studies are clear that the intellectual capacity of children 0-5 is staggering.   Children don't have to be gifted to quickly pick up these concepts, even with just a few minutes' time each week and through playful activities. How so many  children are missing these fundamentals in their first five years, I just don't understand.  For those who say "there's plenty of time later on," I say look at all that you're missing by cutting their horizons short at the beginning.  It's not about competing with other children; it's about maximizing your own child's potential.

More quotes on the topic of toddler education:

Preschool Academics: Feeding The Developing Mind
Preschool Academics, May, 2008,


Today it is widely accepted that young children are fully capable of learning to read, add, subtract, and use organized analysis to solve problems.  Although some critics of preschool academics believe that early childhood should be limited to play, it is generally accepted that preschool children are capable and benefit from academic development. Whether you’re sending your child to an academic preschool, a traditional play-based school, or homeschooling, adding preschool academics to your preschool curriculum can have a significant impact on your child’s academic experience.
We believe preschool age children should have fun. Drill and memorization does not work, but well designed preschool activities can be stimulating, engaging, and fun. Like older children, preschool children love to learn and exercise their minds when properly engaged. Preschool material must be colorful, easily understood, sequenced in small steps, game like, and solvable in a short period. In addition, we encourage discussion and one on one tutoring. 
We also engineer critical thinking into our preschool material to help engage students and teach them organized analysis. Discussion and critical thinking questioning strategy lead to deeper analysis of content. This makes the learning process more about absorbing and reflecting on all facets of the material in a natural and curious state. Here are a few examples of questions that invoke informal reasoning: “Why did you select that one?” “How are these different?” “What happened when you?” “What would happen if you?” “What can you do to make… happen?” “How do you think s/he feels about what happened?” These types of questions develop critical thinking skills and stimulate verbal development as the children try to communicate their reasoning. It also provides them with the opportunity to reason during the course of a discussion, an essential early cognitive development skill.
By designing critical thinking into preschool activities, we build self-esteem, lay a foundation for formal education, and develop a life-long love of learning....

Teach The Basics Even Before Preschool

Early Childhood Education

Through the tireless efforts of countless educators, parents, psychologists, and other concerned professionals, early childhood development has changed fundamentally. There was a time when children under five years of age were considered to be incapable of rational thought or of beginning their educations. Now, however, it is widely accepted that young children are fully capable of learning the basics before kindergarten.

Children that are exposed to basic arithmetic, language, and writing skills can enter into kindergarten with skill sets equal to those of many second graders. Small children are like sponges and they can soak up lessons that often astonish their parents. This early educational foundation can foster a joy of learning and, in later years, can put them far ahead of state and federal standards.

Harry Potter Unit Study

Harry Potter Unit Study
March 22nd:
After more than a year living in Star Wars-mania, Brendan has a new obsession! We've joined the Harry Potter following!

Bren caught a Harry Potter marathon on the Family Channel, so Greg bought him the first book. He quickly became so hooked on it that he went to bed at 7:00 so he could read it in peace (giving up American Idol, no less), and had it finished by 10 o'clock the next morning. He's been driving us crazy asking for the next one.

This, of course, has turned Mommy into a frenzy as I mass cram everything I can find to determine how appropriate HP is for a 5 year old who still sleeps with his lights on. I put Greg on "single dad" duty last weekend so I could read the 1st book too, and I'm trying to get the second one down before he gets it as an Easter gift. After talking with many people, I think we've decided he can go to 3 for now, and then we'll reassess.

Meanwhile, I've decided to lob off some of our other homeschool curriculum next week when we "return" from spring break and make it a fun HP unit study! I found a Harry Potter portal in the 6-8 grade section at our charter, and it has a lot of fun projects. WARNING: MOMMY BRAG: Brendan already took the reading comprehension quiz and practically salivated at how "easy" it was. In grading it, I showed him how he got every single question right except for two sequential events that he numbered backwards. He grabbed the paper, ran for his book and quickly opened to the pages he was looking for, and made a compelling argument for why my answer key was wrong on a minor point. As I read the book myself, I nearly toppled over because he was exactly right! I hope this doesn't mean he's a lawyer in the making.... :(

THE UNIT BEGINS....

April 5th:
In the past week, Brendan's read the first 4 books in the series. (I think we're going to hold off after this until I can read ahead of him and determine just how scary they get.) We've found lots of great activities in the Harry Potter portal by Teacher Created Materials. While the materials are designed for middle school students, there are plenty of ways to modify them for younger children. Brendan is having a lot of fun, even writing essays, because we're going to put them together in a collage and present them to his certified teacher for the charter classroom when we're done.

Bren first wrote the letter that Dumbledore would have left with the Dursleys when baby Harry was left at their doorstop. The ditto is on "Hogwarts stationary," which will work great for the collage. MOMMY BRAG: I thought his letter turned out cute:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,
James and Lily Potter were killed by Voldemort but he really wwanted to kill Harry. You re the only people that can protect him because Voldemort is still looking for him. Take care of him like your own son Dudley. Give him a good education so when he is eleven he is ready for Hogwarts. Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore

April 6th:
2. Brendan drew a picture of what he would see if he looked into the Mirror of Erised. If you've read the story, you know this is supposedly "the deepest, most desperate desire of their hearts." I thought this was hilarious, and SO Brendan:

I would see myself with a dual action lightsaber. They are really cool. If you are scared of the dark you can light it up. You can duel with it and it has real sounds.

Needless to say, he drew a self-portrait as a jedi.

April 7th:
Today, Brendan went back to the books to "research" the characteristics of each of the four Hogswart houses. He then drew the four quadrants of a seal to represent each house.

April 9th:
Back to the Sourcerer's Stone to research what each of the rooms in the Dursley home looked like.

Brendan also did a lot of art work today, researching what a castle looks like and cutting one out for his collage. He also made another seal representing the four books he read for this project.

And....our final product! He's very excited to present this to his charter teacher this week! He's hoping it'll earn a spot on the classroom wall! Great job, Bren!!

What our homeschooling day looks like

('Just another day of homeschooling the boys....here we're at the Exploratorium in San Francisco.)


One of the very first questions I get asked about homeschooling is "How do you do THAT with a toddler???"

While homeschooling a kindergartener with a VERY active near-2 year old on the loose is not easy, it's possible to get 4-5 hours of quality education in without resorting to midnight classes or sticking the little guy in a playpen. Likewise, it's also possible to fit in quality time with both children, continue to take enrichment classes with each, and even to work out 4 times a week. The trick is organization, patience, and, (I will confess) lots and lots of cleanup.

This is what a typical week of homeschool looks like for us, with Brendan easily meeting his 3 1/2 hours of "school time" each day:

Monday:
8-9am: After eating breakast and getting dressed, Brendan sits at the kitchen table and begins his language arts while I bounce between feeding Ryan, cleaning up the kitchen, and providing him with occassional guidance. He'll "warm up" with handwriting, then follow with either a spelling or grammar exercise. These are his "hardest" topics of the day since he is in 3rd-4th grade workbooks, so we do these first while his brainpower is fresh.

On most days, we leave the house around 9am for some activity.

Two mornings of the week, Ryan has playgroup or music class. We pack Brendan's bookbag with language arts, CalMath, or other worksheets that he can complete on his own off to the side while Ryan has his Mommy time. I usually design it so Brendan can finish that work in about half an hour, then enjoy a book on our homeschool reading list. Sometimes, he wants to join in with the class or play with the little guys, and that's usually fine as long as he got his basic work done.

Another one or two weekday mornings, it is Brendan who has workshop classes at his charter school. These include bi-weekly writing workshops, AIMS science classes, 5 in a Row/Children Around the World workshops (involving lots of craft projects), and Spanish classes. Those obviously count as "schooltime" for Brendan, and I have an activity bag for Ryan and me off to the side, or we walk over to the nearby library.

When we get home from the activities, we have about 2 more hours left. Ryan is a great 2-hour napper, so Brendan and I wait until he crashes before we dig into math. We are using the RightStart maniupulative-based math program, and there are so many manipulatives and mental exercises that we need our one-on-one time without distraction. Brendan is finishing Level B, and he picks it up so quickly that we're usually able to get 2-3 lessons in each session (to compensate for non-nap days!). If it is a non-nap day, we'll just pull a lesson from CalMath 2 (the 2nd grade book used in the regular classroom), which Bren can pull off in 5 minutes.

The third "hour" consists of either history or science. We love the R.E.A.L. science program, which is made up almost entirely of "labs." Right now, we fit those into Ryan's naptime too or have Daddy work on some of them with Bren in the evenings or weekends because they often involve equipment (ie heat for the weater cycle), chemicals, or small parts (ie dissecting the parts of a flower) that would not be toddler-friendly. On alternating days, we study Ancient History through Story of the World. This is Brendan's favorite part, since we'll read a chapter in our story book (ie Ancient Egypt), look at the geography of the region, read several related books (fiction and nonfiction alike), occasionally watch a related video, and have fun with related craft and cooking projects. Ryan can often join us in modified projects, and Brendan can do the reading on his own.

In addition to our three basic hours, Brendan has "PE time" through his taekwondo classes, soccer, a weekly playdate with other homeschoolers, or riding his bike/having a playground playdate/etc. Sometimes we join other homeschoolers for more structured PE "classes," too.

We can also include reading time as school time. Brendan reads his Story of the World-related literature books for at least half an hour each day, plus he reads for at least an hour every evening. On special days, he also gets online educational game privileges. We do enough other things that we don't count this, but since schools use them too, they do count in our daily record.

One of the best parts of homeschooling are the field trips! At least once a week, the boys and I are jetting off to some museum or other field trip. In the past few months, we've been to two zoos, an endangered animal sanctuary, an 1800's power plant, a colonial village, three science museums, a sports conditioning, a fine arts event, a musical, a tour of a fire station and a fast food restaurant, and more that I'm simply not remembering. These are toddler-friendly too, so Ryan is enjoying as much as Brendan. We're especially lucky for these opportunities, since the regular schools have completely cut field trips with the budget issues.

Plus, we also do other classes throughout the week with other homeschoolers. Brendan just began a LEGO engineering class for 90 minutes a week, which counts as school time. I don't think the kids even realize how much they're learning with the fun they're having! We also have a whole schedule of co-op type activities with other famiies through our social groups.

The greatest thing about homeschooling is that you can adapt your school hours around your family's needs. Not only can we make room around Ryan's activities, but we can take "time off" so Mommy can get in the gym. Both boys love the playcenter at our sports club. On busy weeks, Ryan plays and I work out while Brendan's at taekwondo. Otherwise, on "off" days, Brendan loves playing wii in the playcenter, and we just call that playtime, so school begins when we get back home.

It's also important to remember that, while most of us are diligent about getting our required "school time" in each day, these children are learning much much more in their time than they would in the regular classroom. After volunteering every week in the regular kindergarten, I know that the amount of "learning" that is done in 3 1/2 hours of classroom work can easily fit into an hour of one-on-one homeschooling. This is why homeschooling children are often so much further ahead.

The Peer Pressure of Having a Gifted Child

(A candid shot of Brendan reading the Wall Street Journal at 4 years old.)


One of the hardest things to deal with when parenting gifted children is dealing with peer pressure. Let me be clear: not peer pressure from other children, but from the other adults in our lives.

A mother of a highly gifted child does not earn popularity points very easily. It's acceptable to brag about how cute or funny or even "naughty" your child is, but watch a group observe your child reaching a milestone when theirs hasn't yet, and support quickly dwindles. In gifted forums, there is frequent talk about how the word "gifted" is treated like a dirty word and will get you eye rolls faster than you can spit it out. (It's now suggested that we use the words "accelerated learner" to scare less people off, but the two terms are not synonymous.) Even in discussions with other gifted parents, letting on that your child is profoundly gifted (this means in the top 99.9% of the population, aka top 1 in a 1,000) will make you a target of intense scrutiny. Thus, any conversation that you get pulled into about your child's intelligence (usually brought up through someone else's observation) begins a tightrope walk of desperately trying not to sound like you're bragging, competing, or suggesting that your child is smarter than theirs.

Believe it or not, I am like most parents of highly gifted children in that we are absolutely NOT in competition with other children. We cherish and celebrate all of our friends regardless of where they fall on this spectrum. I also wish we knew other children like Brendan so he wouldn't feel so different (and to check that ego in case it overdevelops someday!). It doesn't matter when our friends reach their accomplishments, and likewise it should not make others competitive to learn when our child has reached his. If you know us personally and know that our child is gifted, I am certain that it is because you have observed him in action or are familiar with his accomplishments, not because we called you up and said "our child is SO smart....let me tell you how smart!" Gifted parents have a bad reputation as braggers, but it is one that is undeserved.

If admitting giftedness is taboo, why ever use that word, right? Unfortunately, there are many instances when you have to: when people loudly remark and make a bit of a scene after observing your child, when you're asking around for recommendations of books or educational materials several grade levels above your child's age, when you're fighting for their special needs in school (because they won't let your 4 year old into a pre-k class and because accelerating is not enough) or trying to get them into a more intense summer science camp (yet are told they have strict age cutoffs), etc., etc. When someone loudly exclaims: "How old is he?!?", sometimes it's just easier to respond to the raised eyebrows with a shoulder shrug and "he's profoundly gifted."

Even when you don't use the words, you'll still have the stigma and the constant worry of how you're being perceived. When your child hits a milestone but older family members aren't there yet, is it rude to let yours perform? Should we hide this away so the other kids don't feel bad? Should we wait until everyone else hits the milestone and then nod and smile that we can too, even if it's months or years later? What people don't realize is that one child's accomplishment has nothing at all to do with another child. We have family members who frequently respond to our sharing of milestones by immediately telling us what other (often older) relatives are doing, thereby watering down what has just been shared with them or "reminding us" that all of the children are equally special. (Trust me when I assure you that we KNOW all of the children are equally special and would never suggest one is better than another!!!) Since they don't seem to have as much interest, we tend not to share as much with them as we do with other family members who absolutely love the stories. Can't they see that we love and value all of the children without diminishing the moment when we are sharing THIS child's accomplishments?

I love both of my children equally, regardless of the fact that one talked earlier and the other one developed much faster gross motor skills. Yet I don't feel the need to talk about the first one while sharing a story about the second one's talent. Likewise, sharing a gifted child's achievement is NOT taking away from any other child. Nor is it bragging. It's simply enjoying where they're at.

If explaining "gifted" is taboo, then what is the proper response when people continually comment (and then go on and on) about how "smart" your child is? Should you humbly say thank you and give a little smile, quickly tell them theirs is equally smart, remind them that theirs does something else better than yours, ....?? The easy answer to "your child is so cute" is thank you. Yet when you get pulled into a conversation about your child's intelligence, trust me.... thank you alone doesn't usually end it (but is freely and genuinely given nonetheless). I've found that the politest thing to do is to immediately point out another child's talents, but I'm always searching for a better response. You still have to do the tightrope dance (again) of responding without putting the other person off with a perception that you're bragging, regardless of the fact that they initiated this discussion.

No matter what you do, you will lose some potential friends who cannot handle being around a child who reaches milestones before theirs. However, the good news is that when you find friends who celebrate your child's gifts with love, just as freely and uncompetitively as you support their children's, you will find the greatest friends in the world.

I share this with you because one of my hesitations in writing this blog is worrying about what other people will think. If you find yourself rolling your eyes or less than supportive about what we're sharing, please just don't read this blog. We don't need anyone's validation, but we ask for every reader's respect.

Grateful for Our Gifts

God has blessed our family in so many wonderful ways, but especially with our beautiful, healthy, intelligent little boys. Through this blog, my goal is to memorialize their childhood, share our fun stories and milestones, and to track our unique educational journey.

Brendan, our five year old, is profoundly gifted with an extraordinary IQ. After an already long educational history for such a little boy, we are now homeschooling. Much of this blog will likely focus on this journey, since we always get lots of questions and interest about this from friends & acquaintances with gifted children or those considering homeschooling. While Brendan's academic talents are truly amazing and fun to share, though, he is much more than a little brainiac. He is the sweetest, funniest, most loving child! He is the greatest big brother in the world, he is very focused on his taekwondo and soccer, he has typical "boy" interests like Star Wars, Legos, and Harry Potter, and he has deep friendships with his peers. He is also a talented author, and I hope to share his creative writing here, too.

Ryan, our almost-two year old, is our little joy. Like his brother, Ryan excels far beyond most toddler milestones. At 19 months, he knew all of his letters, and at 23 months he can tell you the phonetical sounds for each letter, the 10 basic colors, 8 basic shapes, and numbers to 10, can spell his name, and recognizes several "sight words" in books. (The amazing thing about this is that he does not watch tv and gets very little one-on-one time to practice these things. Ry just picks up what he wants to pick up.) Like Bren, Ryan would read books all day long if he could. He is extremely social and is already developing friendships. Yet he has his own uniqueness and is much more athletic. He can throw and kick a ball as well as the big kids, and loves to be outside and play on the highest slides on the playground. He is also much more exploratory, which will be a wonderful attribute some day, but right now keeps Mommy on her toes!